Why?!?!

Thought I'd give everyone a little update on how things are going. Well in my opinion right now life sucks! I just want to crawl under a rock and stay there forever. Since I can't do that I guess my house will do. And as much as I love being home, I'm so tired of being home.

So ya'll know that one of the side affects of the pill I'm taking is a rash and I was all for it BEFORE I started taking the pill. We knew if I got the rash I got the "good stuff" and not a placebo. Well I got a rash. A rash from hell!! It hurts so bad. I have it on my chest, down my back, on my face and on my scalp. My scalp hurts so bad. It just throbs. It hurts to touch it, much less wash it and comb it out. My doctors told me it would probably get worse. How much worse can it get????????? First thing Monday I'm calling. They have to do something. She mentioned if it got too bad they may decrease my pills or put me on an antibiotic. At this point I just want it to go away. How am I supposed to live like this? And this treatment can go on for 8 months. How am I supposed to have a life feeling and looking like this??? I don't want to go in public, I look horrible. I can't handle the stares and the pointing. "Hey she's the one with Cancer." YES I HAVE CANCER, do I need to write it on my forehead?? Oh wait I can't, I'm covered in a rash! I didn't choose it, it chose me. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I just wish it would go away. Why did I have to get one that doesn't go away. It's going to be with me the rest of my life. I'm tired of feeling tired, I'm sick of feeling sick. I'm nauseated all the time. I feel horrible about myself because I've gained so much weight. Oh man it just sucks to be me right now. This is just so hard to deal with. I have my good days and obviously today is not one of those. If I didn't have such wonderful family and friends beside me there's no way I could go through this.